Building My Faith

 

by

John L. White

 

Copyright 2014  by John L. White

 

 

Contents

 

 

Preface                                                           

Introduction                                                    

Everett                                                           

            Being Blessed

            Marriage

Tucson                                                            

            Trevoli's Birth

            My Life's Plans Detoured

T or C                                                              

            Cave-In

            Divorce and Marriage

My Grandmother Van                                       

            Grandma Van

Silver City                                                       

            The Vision That Changed My Life

            I Join the Methodist Church

            The Hand of Providence

                        Montana Ice

                        Pinos Altos Mine

                        Truck Collision

Return to T or C                                               

            Missionary Sermon

            Come O thou Traveler Unknown

            Trusting God to Deliver

            The Wesley Sunday School Class        

                        Peg Botsford

                        Mildred Bates

                        Vi Chamberlin

            Moving to Albuquerque

Paradise Hills                                                   

            Choosing Paradise Hills UMC

            The Small Group

            Rich May's Story

            Get Out of the Box

            The Convincing of My Heart

Running                                                          

            I Love My Wife

            Sanctuary

            God Give Me Strength

            The Graffiti Bench

Sermons                                                         

            The Wall

            The Words of Life

            Home

            Revival

Divine Encounters                                            

            Saturday Night

            John Messerly's Story

            Experience of the Holy Spirit

            Encounter John Alvarado's Prayer

New Job in Lordsburg                                       

            Motel Lobby

            Dennis

            New Lordsburg Small Group

Songs                                                             

            My Sufficiency

            Real

            Lead Me Now                                      

 

 

 

 

Preface

 

            One of the stories in this book tells about a time when a Sunday school class I led decided to write a book about their faith and experiences with God. The members of the class were inspired by a lesson based upon Psalm 78:5-7 (NRSV):

 

            "He established a decree in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach to their children; that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and rise up and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments;"

 

            The lesson taught us we need to tell future generations the stories about how God has acted in our lives.  Several class members did write down their stories.  Many of those individuals have now passed away.  If they had not written their stories, those stories would never have been told and preserved.

 

I also refer to a book named God Stories, a collection compiled by Jennifer Skiff from people who had an experience that confirmed to them the presence of God.  Many of those stories are similar to the ones people from my Sunday school class wrote.  While I think God Stories is a wonderful book, I do have a concern that I think we can learn from as Christians.  Jennifer Skiff had an experience when she was 12 years old that she did not share with anyone for years because she didn’t know there were other people who experienced God.  I think we have done a lousy job as a church if it took half her life to discover “God stories.”  Jennifer was a world traveling CNN reporter for ten years, had a spiritual experience when she was twelve years old that most of us will never have in our earthly lives, and apparently she is just now discovering that other people experience God in their lives.  I’m glad she made this discovery.  I wanted to call her up and tell her, "This is a wonderful discovery you have made, but you know this is something Christians have known for 2000 years." But, the instant I say this, I am indicting Christians all over the world because it is our job to tell our God stories, our testimonies, our personal Gospel; and we haven't done it.

 

            This book is meant to be some of my God story.  It is not an autobiography that recounts all the details of my personal life.  There have been too many events in my life to record.  Even the Gospels, as important as Jesus was to those early writers of the New Testament, do not record the entire life of Jesus.  They focused only on the events and teachings that they saw as significant to explain God's story.  I provide this humble offering of stories from my life in the hope that this will serve to help you be touched in some special way by the Spirit of God.   I pray that you may discover and experience the love, joy and peace of God through Jesus Christ.  I also hope that this may inspire you to recognize God’s hand in your life, and that you will share your experiences in a way to help lead others into relationship with God.

 

 

Introduction

 

            Why am I a Christian?  It may not seem so obvious a question to many who know me now, but some who knew me in the past might be surprised that I am so devoted to my faith.  I was raised in a church, and until I was about sixteen years old, I managed a fair attempt to be faithful to the church and appropriate Christian behaviors.  Then I turned seventeen, and during my senior year in high school I succumbed to the temptations of the world, and drifted slowly in and out of any semblance to faith to God through Jesus Christ.  By my late twenties I could be best described as agnostic.  I had a brief stint as a member of a Baptist church at the age of twenty five, but that ended within a year of becoming a member there.  I relied mostly on myself.  I had been raised to be independent, and I extrapolated that to include my spiritual life. 

            I had gone to college after high school and I earned bachelor's and master's degrees in geological sciences.  I was well armed with evidence and explanations of how the earth and the life forms on it have evolved over time.  There had been some events in my life that I now look back at and see God’s hand in play, but at the time I dismissed such thoughts.  To recognize them and deal with them would have meant that I would have to change my ways, which I was reluctant to do.  So I ignored them and simply did not think much about God or Jesus Christ.  I went about life without a true purpose, and let the world run my life.

            I believe I had a relatively normal late 50’s and early 60’s childhood in the town of Everett, Washington.  I was baptized in a Methodist church at the age of 5, but my parents quickly transferred to a Congregational church after learning that the pastor of that Methodist church denounced certain behaviors that clearly were acceptable in the Bible.  My parents were active in the Congregational church through my boyhood, and I was raised attending church on Sundays.  I attended a rather terse confirmation program while at the Congregational church, and I was confirmed along with a handful of other kids my age.  I got that far in my life and still did not know much about the Bible or about a life of dedication to Christ, but my church upbringing stimulated my curiosity regarding what the Bible said.  As a result I began to read the Bible, and over the course of the next couple of years, I slowly read completely through it. 

 

Everett

 

Being Blessed

 

            When I was 15 years old, which incidentally was about the time I finished reading through the Bible for the first time, I was influenced by the so-called Jesus movement.  I attended a prayer group with friends who constantly carried their Bibles with them and openly shared their faith in public.  I admired them, but never brought myself to emulate them.  We played soccer together, and it was that sport that became my passion during those years.

            At that time in my life I found myself standing in a parking lot late one evening waiting for a ride home after a dance.  I was part of a large crowd of youths.  A young man carrying a Bible came walking slowly through the crowd.  People avoided his gaze because they wanted nothing to do with him.  I met his gaze and he came over to talk with me.  I had no friends with me that night, and I had never met this young man.  He politely shared his testimony and I politely listened.  When he was through he asked me if I wanted to pray with him.  I declined.  He accepted my answer, thanked me for listening, bid me good night, and began to walk away.  When he was about 100 feet away he stopped and turned around and spoke to me in a loud voice that made everyone stop to listen.  He said to me, “God bless you! … And God will bless you because you are the only one all night to listen to God’s message.”  He then turned and walked away. 

There were no comments or remarks from those around.  Surprisingly, I did not feel embarrassed.  What I did experience was a strange and comforting calm.  I did not recognize it at the time, but I can look back now and know that I experienced the peace of Christ at that moment.  As I consider all of the times since then that I have known God's presence in my life, I know I truly have been blessed.

 

Marriage

 

            After graduating from high school, I went to Everett Community College.  While attending there a chance meeting occurred one Friday night between myself and a couple of my friends and two girls I knew from high school at the roller skating rink.  The girls were Elenore and Venetia.  Venetia and I dated, got engaged, and then between my third and fourth year of college we married.  The marriage took place in the same Congregational church where I was raised.  Once married however, we did not stay connected to the church and drifted away from regular worship. 

            The more I look back and view my life with my current perspective, I can see God's hand more and more.  One event, that will show up as a pattern later, occurred while Venetia and I were hiking up at Big Four in the Cascade Mountains along the Stilliguamish River Valley.  We had hiked up to the ice caves, ventured a little inside the main cave, and then came back out to the entrance.  We were facing each other and talking when a look of terror came over Venetia's face.  She grabbed me and ran pulling me away from the entrance.  We turned around to see a large block of ice lying where we had been standing.  It had spalled off the side of the cave behind me.  It would certainly have crushed me had we not moved as quickly as we did.

            One other event happened that I did not take as significant at the time, but now I look back with an enlightened perspective and wonder.  One weekend Venetia was in the kitchen of our old shamble of an apartment while I was in the bedroom.  She came to me a bit disturbed and told me she had seen a vision in the kitchen.  She had seen a man she thought to be Jesus standing in front of her.  Rather than talking her through it and taking her vision seriously, I dismissed it.  I had no appreciation at the time for visions, and did not believe in such things.  I can only wonder now what I missed.

 

 

Tucson

 

Trevoli’s Birth

 

After I graduated from the University of Washington, Venetia and I moved to Tucson where I attended graduate school for two years. After earning my master's degree, I worked for two and a half years for Texasgulf.  That was my first full-time permanent job.  When I landed the job with Texasgulf, I thought I had a job for life.  Confident of my position, we decided it was time to start a family, and Venetia became pregnant. 

My oldest daughter Trevoli was born in Tucson on April 15, 1981.  In anticipation of that event we took natural childbirth classes, registered at the local hospital where they had natural birthing rooms, and we were set to have a wonderful birthing experience. 

            Labor contractions started on about the right day.  We went to the hospital, and all seemed well.  But then things went wrong.  The birth was very traumatic for both Venetia and Trevoli, and our daughter did not breathe for the first seven minutes after being born.  That seven minutes seemed like forever as we did not know if she would survive.  Fortunately there just happened to be a specialist available at the hospital that was able to treat her immediately to establish breathing, and she lived.

            Weeks later our new baby still was not moving one of her arms, and the other was weak and listless.  We were sent to a neurologist at the University hospital who told us that she had experienced nerve damage.  One arm would likely recover, but she would always have limited use of the other.  We were both troubled by this, and my wife was especially distraught.  After that visit, Venetia was driving with our daughter down Alvernon Boulevard when she had a sudden urge to stop at the Emmanuel Baptist Church, and pray.  At the time we were not attending any church, and this was a rather unusual move for Venetia.  She took my daughter into the church.  There in the church the pastor, Dr. Rev Wayne North, and my wife prayed fervently for the healing of our daughter.

            Within days of that prayer, we learned of a physician who retired in Tucson that would occasionally take on a patient of interest.  We were told he might be able to help our daughter.  The doctor was contacted and he agreed to see her.

            He had some unconventional ideas and methods, and during the first visit as he manipulated her skull, our daughter’s arm jerked into motion.  None of the local physicians had thought of doing what he did.  At the end of the visit, he gave us some simple physical therapies to do at home.  He saw her a couple more times.  Within a few months, our daughter’s arm was fully functional.  By her first birthday, there was no sign of any trauma.  This from what the medical expert said would be a permanent disabling condition.

 

My Life's Plan Detoured

 

            I had gone to college for six years to learn to be an exploration geologist.  I had three or four job offers when I graduated from U of A to do mineral exploration in spite of a down economy.  I planned my dream life, but external forces beyond me were at work.       In a few short years Texasgulf would no longer exist.

The company that I thought would employ me for the rest of my life, was taken over and split up between French and Canadian corporations.  The year I joined the company, Texasgulf ranked amoung the most profitable Fortune 500 corporations.  The year after the takeover, both the French and Canadian companies were losing money. 

My layoff notice came at the end of an unusually cold and gray Wednesday in November 1982, the day before Thanksgiving.  It started to rain and turn dark outside when my boss called me into his office to meet with the managers from the main office in Denver.  To cut costs in the face of mounting losses, the corporate managers had little choice but to schedule massive layoffs in the exploration division that included closure of several offices.  The closures included the Tucson office.  

Fortunately they gave me 60 days notice to look for a new job.  I sent out dozens of resumes to nearly every mining company in the country.  I received almost as many rejection notices.  I also submitted resumes and applications in Tucson for jobs that were not related to my field.  I had only one job offer, and that was from a small new mine that had opened up about 30 miles west of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.  The mine operated under the leadership of Pat Freeman, a man I came to know on one of our TG exploration projects.  A former TG geologist himself, I received some extra consideration among the multitude of applicants they must have had.  My new job did not come without tragedy.  The position they offered  me came open only because two geologists who worked for the mine died in a car crash after the company Christmas party.  I was their replacement.

Thus began a new chapter in my life.  I had never thought I would be working in an underground mine, and also never really saw myself working for a small mining company.  I took the job thinking I would work there for a year or so until things picked up, and then I would move on and get a real job.  As it turned out, I ended up staying with St. Cloud Mining Company for nearly 20 years.

 

 

T or C

 

As a child, I used to make games with National Geographic maps.  One map I liked to use of the United States was fairly large and had many small towns as well as large cities indicated on it.  I remember very well noticing as a young boy living in Everett, Washington a town located in the middle of New Mexico named Truth or Consequences (T or C).  I am not sure why it caught my eye so.  I cannot remember having any other city or town on the entire map capture my attention the way it did.  I never thought I might want to visit there some day, it just stuck in my mind.  I had no idea that some day I would move there, separate from my first wife, meet and marry my second wife, raise a family, and meet a wide variety of people who caused me to learn and grow in many ways including growing my faith in God.

            My last day with Texasgulf was January 31, 1983.  Venetia and I packed all our possessions in a U-haul truck during the weekend of January 30, drove to T or C, and moved into a small apartment near the Elephant Butte Inn.  I started work for St. Cloud Mining Company that Tuesday February 1, 1983. 

            For the first few days I worked underground, I felt quite nervous.  Underground mining differed from all other work environments I experienced, and I was working with people I knew nothing about. But working underground can grow on a person, as it did on me.  There is an interesting feeling of comfort in working underground.  I could go underground and escape from the rest of the world.  Working underground does, however, have its own set of unique hazards.  A fire underground can quickly render toxic the very air you depend upon for life.  The silver ore that we mined contained mostly silica, the dust of which can scar your lungs to the point that you slowly suffocate.  And most people do not have to be concerned about the roof above them falling down, but for the underground miner, this is a constant concern.

           

Cave-In

 

            After working underground for a few months, as I made my rounds one day, I came upon the shift foreman standing in an open stope looking upward.  A stope is an opening left when the ore is mined and removed.  The opening we were looking at was about 15 feet wide, 250 feet long and about 170 feet high.  We had been removing material that had fallen by itself after the high grade ore had been removed.  I joined Ted, the foreman (a stupid thing to do as I was about to learn), and looked up.  Our lights couldn't even penetrate the distance to the top of the stope.  Suddenly he turned and began running back out of the stope, pushing me with him.  I stubbed my foot on the rough floor and nearly fell, but somehow managed to keep my feet under me and make it to safety 30 feet back from where we had been standing.  Those few moments that passed as we ran out of harm's way were surreal.  I did not even know why we were running.  Before we even had time to turn and look, the opening where we had just been was buried under hundreds of tons of rock.  I still do not know how Ted knew to run.  I also do not know what kept my legs under me.  I was completely off balance.  One second later and we both would have been dead.  The hand of Providence had intervened, again.

 

 

Divorce and Marriage

 

            The mid 1980's were hard times to be operating a silver mine.  Many mines closed as silver prices plummeted.  We scrambled to try to find a way to stay in operation.  Ultimately we had to lay off many miners who worked there.  The work was hard and the hours were long from when we left in the morning to when we got home at night.  One day Venetia decided this was going nowhere.  She packed up herself and our daughter Trevoli, told me she was leaving, and moved back to Tucson.  After more than a year of separation, we were divorced.  I spent a year and a half living by myself in the hills near the mine, 7 miles from the nearest neighbor.   I had plenty of time for introspection, but my attitude was still mostly self-centered and not centered on a relationship with God.

            After living for many months in relative seclusion, I became lonely and restless.  I began to frequent the local bars and one night while drinking too much, I met a woman my same age named Mabel.  Days later, I met Mabel doing laundry at the laundromat.  I had a vague recollection of her, but could not remember why I recognized her.  She was amused by this because she definitely remembered me.  Neither of us were well groomed or dressed, but there was something special about her.  Her face seemed to sparkle.  Something drew us together. 

            We dated long enough to have a falling out, and then make up and get back together.  Shortly after that, I transferred to Silver City to work at the Pinos Altos mine.  I told Mabel I wanted her to go with me.  We were married a few months later on March 26, 1988, but lived apart for nearly a year.  I lived in Silver City, and her two older sons stayed with me while Mabel remained in T or C with her youngest son.   Times were good, but also at times difficult, often due to the stress of step parenthood.

 

 

My Grandmother Van

 

Grandma Van

 

            I was not real close to any of my grandparents.  If there was one that I might have known a little more closely, it would have been my mother's mother, my grandma Thrina VanValkenburg.  I remember when I was very young we had holiday dinners at their big semi-Victorian style house along the Skagit River in Mt Vernon.  At Christmas time she would have all of us cousins making decorations for the tree while dinner was cooking in the kitchen.  She liked to make puzzles, and I remember helping her piece puzzles together on a card table in her front room.  The last time I saw her alive was in Washington at my parents condominium in Marysville, WA while I was up visiting for Christmas, 1987.  By then she had already suffered a stroke.  She got about and spoke with difficulty, but the same loving person was still there.  She passed away not long after that on August 26, 1988.  I was not able to make it to her funeral, but I felt led to write this poem about her.

 

 

 

A Poem In Memory of My Grandmother, Thrina

 

Flowers bloom and go to seed

All too soon they wither and die

What use are they to merely exist?

What purpose is served, I ask you why?

 

A flower alone that’s seen by none

Is only a link in an endless chain

Flower, seed, sprout, plant and flower

They grow and die, just to return again

 

But once a blossom is beheld

A tender spirit touched by its beauty

The flower at once has purpose and meaning

A soul thus touched is no longer empty

 

You have touched me with your life

I’m a better person for knowing you.

My visits with you were special times

I only regret those times were few.

 

You have given us all a model for living

An honest pure spirit and perseverance

No giant structures or marvelous feats

But a great well of strength and gentle assurance

 

You have not been like a single flower

Touching the lives of only a few

Your life has been an endless field

Countless blossoms of brilliant hue

 

Your spirit has left, your love remains

In our hearts we carry your candles flame

The world is better where your touch was felt

I only hope I can do the same

 

God bless you Grandma, I love you

 

 

Silver City

 

The Vision That Changed My Life

 

            In 1989, my wife Mabel and I were living in Silver City with her three sons.  I was still not particularly faithful to God.  I did not regularly attend church, and on top of this, we had a new child on the way.

            After a particularly trying day when one of my step sons made it clear to me I was not his father, and general disharmony took over the household, I was overwhelmed.  I was the last one to bed that night.  As my wife lay asleep, I laid down and thought to myself, "My God, what have I got myself into."  I began to pray to God as I had never prayed before.  I thought He needed to fix my situation because I was not going to be able to handle this for long.  As I prayed I wondered to God if this was part of His plan or purpose.  I wondered if He could somehow change the situation or change those around me, or maybe ...  just get me out of it altogether.  This last thought was what my worldly side was really hoping for.  I had divorced once, I could do it again.  God just make this work out in a way that I would be righteous.  Deliver me from this God!. ...  I prayed ...  and cried ... and prayed ... until I was too tired and I fell asleep.

            At 4:00 AM I awoke perspiring.  I saw my grandmother, who had passed away a year earlier.  She stood near the bed.  I had never experienced anything like this before or since.  I can only say that I was experiencing a vision.  I asked her how she was able to cope.  I was not sure why I was asking this question of her because I did not know of things she had in her life that required serious coping.  She replied simply, "Because He's watching," as she pointed upward; and then she was gone.  I sat propped up in bed for a while going over that brief conversation, trying to fathom the meaning of it.  After a while, I went back to sleep.

            I awoke a couple hours later.  I was the first one up, and despite the relatively sleepless night, I was strangely rejuvenated.  I sensed an overwhelming calm and inner peace.  What had bothered me so greatly just hours before, now seemed nonexistent.  I no longer was concerned about my situation, and I even welcomed it.  God had answered my prayer, but not in any manner that I had expected.  My situation was exactly the same, .... but I had changed.

            I still must deal with the circumstances that life presents to me, but I do so now with the knowledge and possession of God's peace, comfort and guidance.  Since that day, God has been slowly working in my life as I allow Him, growing and changing me.  I am still the same person with the same personality, but my spiritual heart has come alive and led me to understandings that I could not see with my logical reasoning mind.